(**Disclaimer: This is solely a personal post with only a few very low quality pictures of myself and my best friend. I think in a whirlwind of fragments. Therefore, my writing is fragmented…probably not making any sense at all, so that’s why there is this disclaimer. I apologize, but I vowed to start blogging again from the heart so this is what you get.) 🙂
We sat there, holding our coffee in silence. Stillness. And if only for that short moment, we were back to the way things used to be.
Music mania, driving with the windows down, coffee morning, noon and night, endless journaling, dreams of the future, Captivating, model trips, sunglasses, heart to hearts, sand volleyball every night, red flags, Rockstar Guavas, Barlow Girl and Superchick, Bible studies, worship concerts, barn dances… just life.
We have the same heart. And ironically enough the same birthday-which is why I refer to my best friend as my twin. You know the kind of stuff that comes up when you’re younger and you and your bff’s are the Three Muskateers or something silly like that. I can’t even remember when or where it started, but it’s stuck with us for the past several years. Twins. Same birthday, Same Age, Finishing each other’s sentences, knowing she will always be there, constant reminder of grace, getting married in the same year, facing all of life’s trials and triumphs- Together.
I’ve felt a stirring in my heart the last month or so. A desperate cry for — something. A change. A passion. A heart that was full again.
I knew in my heart as I drove up to Plainview last night that the Lord was planning to move. I’ve been praying for it for weeks now. As Christians we go through those valley low’s and mountaintop high’s and I felt like I had been stuck on the bottom edge of this mountain for what has been entirely too long. Lacking freedom in my life. And no, that’s not the kind of literal freedom as if I’m a prisoner over here, but the spiritual kind of freedom through Christ. Living in bondage to my sin, doing everything I don’t want to do, and not doing anything I want to do. Making idols of my marriage and my business instead of worshipping my Savior alone, all the while pretending like I’ve got it all together. Freedom to be and do what God made me to do. Deny myself, pick up my cross and follow him. Period.
Brooke & I scheduled “twin time” last night so I could deliver a very special, semi-late Valentine to her for her husband, and of course grab coffee and chat. That’s what we do. We get together over a delicious cup of coffee and talk. About life. Marriage, work, being a wife, doing laundry, the desires of our heart, the “good ol’ days”, the future, her crazy 3rd graders, and my next shoot. And just like that. Just like so many times before, He used her. I don’t know if it was something she said, or something we did, or if this heart time in the middle of my week was just what I needed to open up the floodgates to what’s been holding me back, but it was as simple as opening my eyes to see and my ears to hear and with open hands and an open heart handing it all over to Him. Handing my marriage over to him…so that I can be a better wife. Handing this business over to Him…so that He can use it the way it was always meant to be used. And surrendering my heart to Him again…saying Yes Lord. Yes I will walk the path you have for me- for Your Glory and my Joy.
Halfway through this post I stopped and began to erase every single word. It doesn’t make sense. It has no point. You don’t even know what you’re writing about. No one cares. It’s stupid. Those were the lies I was hearing…and believing. Those are the lies I’ve been believing for far too long now. And it’s time I start fighting again for the truth in my life, instead of believing Satan’s lies. Fight for my freedom, and the health of my heart, and fight for time in my day to stop what I’m doing and just be still. To do something that I love- like read a book, or write in my journal, or watch the sunset, or look up at the stars…
Here’s a quick collage I made of some recent and some old pictures of myself and my “twin”. (Sorry for the low quality, I pulled them all off of Facebook to make this so I guess that’s what I get)
Hope you can start finding freedom in your life too! 🙂